LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better." Kathryn Schulz

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

It's August and this month I'm going to dive into the topic of REGRET. Not very inspiring, but in church recently I was reminded of God's Grace and Mercy, and I found myself thinking about things that I have regret for, trying to understand how God can forgive, forget and be so gracious.

I don't know what the word REGRET triggers in you, but I want to drag you along with me this month by looking at some quotes on regret, sharing some resources, and just thinking about what that means in our lives. Remember, you can always go back to see past posts and more positive themes that we've addressed on the website HERE but journey with me....

"Do You Have Any Regret"?

Regret defined simply means "to feel sorrow or remorse for". Some other synonyms of regret are "anguish, grief, sorrow, and woe".

This quote from Kathryn Schulz is a way to reposition that regret, but it's still regret.

In a couple of weeks I'm going to a "Celebration of Life" of a friend of mine from High School. He lived about an hour from me here in Southern California, and the last time we saw each other was our freshmen year of college when I went down to his school at Point Loma and we spent a great weekend together, a very long time ago. We were good friends in Junior High, hung out a little in High School, then spent that weekend in San Diego and Tijuana, and that was it.

About 15 years ago I found his number and we texted back and forth and said we should get together, but nothing happened. A few weeks ago, I heard that he had passed away. No information or details, just an invitation to attend his celebration of life.

I've been thinking a lot about Jim lately, about our friendship, about the things I loved about hanging out with him and playing basketball together, but mostly I just have regret. Regret for not keeping up, regret for not pushing through my schedule to connect with him, regret for not knowing his family, regret for not knowing much about his life after high school at all.

I hate that in hindsight, we always see where we could have done better.

Do you have things you REGRET in your life? Your past? How do you handle that?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself." Paulo Coelho

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

We'll close this month of quotes with one final word from Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian novelist who simply reminds us to pay attention to ourselves and not sacrifice things that might be important to us for the sake of others.... all the time!

I know people who live selflessly. They constantly give and give, and sometimes I see the weariness in their soul from saying YES all the time.

A memory just came flooding back into my mind....

I grew up in Southern California, and when I was between the ages of 6 and 11, we lived in a home with a pool. I spent most of my summers in that pool, as did all of my friends from the neighborhood.

I remember one time, after spending a long weekend in the pool, it was Sunday afternoon, at about 5:00pm, and we were supposed to be going to church.

We always went to church.... Sunday Morning, Sunday Evening, and Wednesday Nights. We had a great church and community, and it was only a 5 minute drive from our home.

I remember when my father gave us the 15 minute warning, telling us that we needed to be out of the pool in order to get ready for church, but we were having a great time. Friends were still over, we were playing some game, it was a perfect Sunday Evening in California, and I asked the unthinkable.... "Dad, can we skip church and just play in the pool?"

I'm not sure how I got the courage to ask that question, but I can remember my dad going back inside the house, then a few minutes coming back out and saying, "We're staying home tonight!".

I remember the feeling, the excitement, the thrill of getting to play for a couple more hours. I'm sure egg sandwiches followed with a popsicle on the patio, but that feeling is a great memory.

I'm not sure if it actually happened the way I remember it. Maybe my dad was the one who wanted to ditch church, but it didn't matter. That night, instead of sitting in a pew for church, we played on!

Think of a time that you said NO to something else in order to say YES to yourself? What feelings come along with that?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. when you say yes, you are saying no to every other option. No is a decision, Yes is a responsibility." James Clear

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

James Clear, in the quote above, just shines another light on the idea that learning to say no is a way to save your time and energy for the things you most need or want to do.

I like that idea.... "No is a decision. Yes is a responsibility".

There's a freedom that comes with saying no. It's a definite decision, a closed door, a final word. "NO" usually ends the conversation and moves me back to the task at hand.

Here's an example...

As I was writing this post, a friend texted me and asked for a phone call. I had blocked out 2 hours to work on this post and another writing project, so I was protective of the time.

I told him NO, and that I wasn't available, but could connect later.

He wrote back that it wasn't a big deal and that he'd see me in 2 days at a lunch we had scheduled.

Just like that, I was able to turn back to my writing. (I also turned off my message notifications so I could focus).

The NO was a decision, that once it was made, allowed me to keep doing what I had planned to do. Had I said YES, I would have left my focus to talk to a friend, and who knows where that would have led. The reality is that I have limited time today to get some things accomplished.

Now, had my friend said that it was really important or an emergency, I would have made time, but he just wanted to chat.

We do this all the time.

• I say yes to a last-minute opportunity, and the prior commitments are all affected because I'm preparing for this new thing

• I say yes and then it takes up mental space in my mind. I begin thinking about it, preparing for it. It might be a great thing, but that idea that a YES is a responsibility is true! When I say yes to something I want to do my best.

• I say yes to my friend today even though we have a scheduled conversation planned in 2 days. My writing doesn't get done, or I take time from someone else to make up for it.

Clear basically says that a NO is a decision and a YES has all kinds of impact and ramifications that need to be considered.

Sometimes I just don't take the time to evaluate those ramifications before I say yes... usually it comes as we get closer to the think I committed to.

In what ways has your YES turned into greater responsibility and energy, surprising you in the details and ramifications?